Deal on Wheels

It's been some time since I've had to go car shopping with my daughters. Some dad's really enjoy this, but not me.( I know it's gonna cost me) Plus I'm not really mechanically inclined, so I don't hear that ping or whirl or knock in the engine that others hear(Ya hear that?....sounds like the tag light could go out any time now) and then I'm responsible for letting them buy a clunker.
So I was pretty happy when Felice's boyfriend said he was going to find a car for her to buy(Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!) and he found one to look at in Dallas, Tx.(bear with me, there is one in North Carolina) and he wanted to know if I wanted to come along. (he wanted to impress me on his pinging analysis) Sure, why not! It would give me a chance to impress him on what a great in-law I could be. (Then Janet would say "Pete, you have to till the soil for my garden" and I can call Dan and say "Can you give me a hand with the garden. I would do it, but my heart isn't what it used to be, (it makes a pinging noise) but if you can't, that's all right. I've had a good life and Felice will just have to go on without me) (Poor thing) (and I hope Janet will eventually forgive you)
So he picked me up at the ungodly hour of 6am. This was a good time work on my GPS (general pinging symptom), because I'm always getting lost. So I set it for Dallas, TX. and it said "Go straight until you get there" and off we went.
After 15 minutes on the road we were ready for a break(at this rate Dallas was just days away), so we pulled(yes, I had my hand on the steering wheel also) into the service island on the turnpike and while Dan gassed up (2 miles to the gallon) I went in to get snacks, as I can't go on a road trip without totally trashing a car with sunflower seeds, popcorn and spilled drinks. (to my wife's and now Dan's dismay)
I did have one problem. I had lost some weight and now had to cinch up my belt a couple of notches more as my pants could fall down....and they did. I had gone to the restroom and had not cinched the proper notch, so I was standing in a long line with my arms full of much needed trashing supplies, my pants started slipping down. I needed to put my stash on the counter to pull up my pants, but the woman in front of me had the counter filled (she had a bigger car trashing compulsion than mine) and she was asking for directions. (You're on the turnpike for God's sake!! Just go straight!) The only way to keep my pants up was to spread my legs and I was sweating bullets as I was only inches away from completing a Chinese split. Finally she was done and apologized for holding up the line, but she had to find to a service station, as there was a pinging noise coming from her engine.
So we made it to Dallas and met the guy with the car.( I don't remember the model or the color) (same with the car) So with arms properly folded across our chest, we walked around the car, occasionally stopping, giving a quizzical look or nodding. Then we stopped in front of the open hood and Dan asked "Hear that?" and I nodded (Yep! Better check that tag light)
Then we went for the test drive. I sat in the back seat and the ripped up upholstery led me to ask "Do you have a dog?" (or is the woman now in the trunk?)
So now comes the negotiating. Dan asked "So you're asking $5,000?"(and do you know I don't intend to pay more than half of blue book?) and the guy says "Oh, I think that's fair. I put a lot of money into fixing it up(most of it in removing the blood stains from the trunk carpet) and I can get rid of that pinging noise. (probably had a spare tag light in his pocket)
So the deal was not made and we headed back home. (I set my GPS and it said "Go straight back the way you came.") Dan apologized for wasting my day(my whole day was planned out for napping and watching TV) and he bought me dinner. (I love this guy) and eventually he found a car for Felice (about 2 blocks from where she lives) and she brought it over and gave us all a ride in her convertible and Hallie asked "What's that pinging noise?"