Company Business

My company had me drive to Ponca City, OK for our annual business meeting at the Holiday Inn. We used to meet in OK City but the office had been moved to another location and there was no conference room at the new place.(The back room of produce warehouse, under the stairs)(the office now consist of a folding card table and chairs and a dangling 100 watt light bulb)
Our boss reminded us that we had lost some accounts because of the economy and it was now time to tighten our belts. (did this mean that I would be sharing a room and a king sized bed, with a hairy, fat guy, in a speedo)
Actually, sharing a bed with any guy would not be something I would look forward to. Does this mean that I"m a homophobe? Absolutely not. I tested myself by imagining being in bed with Kandi and Connie. (two lesbians working as Hooters Girls) (nope, I felt comfortable)
The owner talked about all the great things that were coming down the pike, like the new businesses in contract talks and new incentives for our employees and new product lines that would have people breaking down our doors. (just like the company where I used to work before the bottom fell out.)
Anyways, I was given my bonus check and I felt that at least this guy has always been honest with me and good to me. I have 6 specific goals that I have to reach(like answer my phone calls) and every quarter I am given 25% of my bonus, with no taxes deducted and an extra $500 before Christmas. The last company I worked for was the same incentive plan, but I was paid the bonus once a year in December and you never knew until the last minute how much it would be. Generally, the VP would find something he didn't like (you didn't say "Mother may I!") and it would be cut in half and then there was a 50% tax deduction and the Christmas bonus would be like $150 minus taxes.(At Christmas, Janet would be like "Oh honey! Thank you for this wonderful snow globe from Dollar Tree!) Now, when Janet opens up her Christmas gift, she's like "Oh honey! Thank you for this wonderful snow globe from Dollar General!" (I tend to be thrifty)